Song: the ‘Artist’

This song is about an experience I had spending a lot of time with someone who demonstrated through word and action a lack of what I think is appropriate regard for my and many others’ well-being. In many conversations wherein I tried to convince them to exert effort to improve their behavior towards me and in other conversations towards others, they did not find my suggestion a viable option. At an early point in my relationship with them, I had learned to expect a certain sort of attitude and thus a certain sort of treatment from them. For a long time, I accepted it, because I did not think it appropriate to ask for better. For a long time, I continued to spend time with them, because I enjoyed their company. The acceptance was undone through particularly bad instances of their behavior, and I learned that it is not sustainable for me.

In the immediate aftermath of this experience, I did my best to see the good in my going through with it, as I think we are often invited to do. In a recent conversation with a friend, we explored the psychology of this phenomenon, and I now wonder whether there is something potentially very toxic in it. I wonder this because a thought process such as this makes it easier to justify experiencing things for which you can reasonably expect a bad outcome or to even repeat similarly bad experiences. I think that, in certain cases, not striving to see the good in a situation is an important aspect of facing reality.

The relevant person in this song considers themselves artistic, and this song plays at the irony of their self-conception in contrast to their art and behavior. I recognize that this song is not nice; it isn’t intended to be nice. This song is also not intended to be mean; it is simply one way in which I am expressing how I feel. I think that what one intends is of small relevance when it comes to doing things for which one can reasonably be expected to predict negative outcomes (e.g. hurt feelings). Perhaps sharing this song online is one such action. If so, perhaps much of the music industry is committing quite a terrible ethical faux pas. I have thought about this. All in all, given the context of this website–a personal journal for my thoughts, I have decided to act upon the tentative judgment that it is appropriate to share this song here. Parts of it were written a while ago, but a recent event has triggered me to revisit those lines and complete them. What you see above is the outcome.